Tag Archives: pregnancy

Back to normal – kind of

Story time with uncle

My brother and his grilfriend left last night. I have my home back to myself and now I have some time to think about being pregnant and preparing to bring our second child into the world.

I have set myself the task of looking into nutritional requirements for pregnant mothers, and started with zinc However, it is a much larger project that I initially thought. I do hope to get it done. It is facinating to see what one mineral is responsible for throughout pregnancy.

I am still quite amazed that I am  pregnant. My life is so intense right now, I still do not really know how to integrate this news. Yesterday I was 7 weeks pregnant, I can feel a small swell over my pubic bone and I look very pregnant thanks to bloating and gas (despite no complex carbs). But I can’t get my head around the reality yet. I am not doing ultrasound, and have not yet been to any doctor for ‘confirmation’. It’s kinda weird to just own it, me and my husband. No one else butting in just yet. I am glad we are doing it that way this time.

In other developments – it turns out that I REALLY am not ready for my father to get married. I am angry at him for rushing it, and I do not trust their reasons. She is Catholic, so no living together or even touching each other until they are married. Hence the rushed marriage. They really do want to be together. I just think that it is artificial to put that kind of pressure on an older couple. My father has hardly mourned my mother, and now he is getting married. Her girls do not want them married now, but there is no way for my father and her to be together without being married. ARGH! I have never been a fan of organised religion, and I wish that people could be more in tune with their needs emotionally without sticking the whole church/religion thing into the decicion.

He is getting married on the 7th of July. I will meet her one day before they get married. I will have to accept this. And get on with my own life and leave them to get on with theirs. I cannot help but feel this is driving us apart. However, I am not an adolescent, and my father must do as he sees fit.


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My body

This may turn out to be quite a heavy blog entry. I have had much on my mind in the last days, and I have been thinking, feeling and reading so much.

Firstly, I had a wonderful chat with the assistant of a midwife who lives fairly close to us. The midwife is on holiday, but we’ll be in touch in the next month. It was wonderful to share hopes, experiences and commiserate with a woman who has made similar choices to the choices I have made.

However, this is in the context of me being rather concerned about not finding a midwife who will support me, or be open to doing things my way. Put more honestly, I am terrified I won’t find a midwife who will support me and my birthing body. I have control issues.

There are three things that are weighing on my mind when it comes to this pregnancy and birth.

One, I will never, ever, ever have a transvaginal ultrasound again in my life. The last one was the most painful and intrusive experience for me, for absolutely no gain. I need to find someone who is OK with no ultrasound for calculating the EDD.

Two, I am concerned that I will have problems birthing my placenta, after the previous attempt. And subsequent mismanagement.

Three, it all boils down to childhood sexual abuse, and me being unable to succumb physically to all the tests and procedures that are expected from pregnant women.

In my previous pregnancy I was not honest about my terror of loosing control of my body *to another person*. I had no issues going with the flow of my birthing body. I even relished the experience of being able to trust my body. However, I could not contemplate my body being under anyone elses control other than my own.

And this is all much more intense right now. I will not give up control of my body, or allow anything to happen to my body that I am not in agreement with (unless my life is in immediate danger of course 😉 ). I feel very strongly about this.

And I am taking myself off for counselling. This has been all much more intense than I thought it would  be.  I know that I need emotional support through this pregnancy, and I will find it.

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My health plan for this pregnancy.

I have been exploring diet, exercise and my mental and physical health prior to conceiving, and have put myself on essentially the GAPS diet. No grains, or complex carbohydrates. Plenty of fresh vegetable, some fruit, meats, liver, eggs, fermented milk, fermented veggies, butter, olive oil. I also started to take fermented cod liver oil and will start with a broad spectrum pro biotic.

I walk every 2nd day, alternating with my husband who is still running. (I am very proud of him). I have been doing sprints, and will see how I feel with it this pregancy. Due to holidays, my brother visiting, our dog dying, there has been a miriad of reasons why I have not had my morning walk since testing positive for being pregnant. I plan to add some yoga at home.

The book Rebuild From Depression started my quest more serisouly into how to support myself through diet. I knew we wanted to conceive some time this year, and I have been anxious about having a second child with so little support aroud me, especially without my mother. I wanted to prepare in such a way that at least there would not be a nutritional reason to suffer with depression during the pregnancy or after the birth.

Then, after worrying about phytic acid and oxalic acid, I decided to try not eating grains for a while, and see how that impacted on me physically and emotionally. After a couple of rough days, I felt much better. No more bloating, cramping, gas. My mood is still not what I would like, with me being quite impatient and overreacting to life events, obsessing about details most people don’t even register…. I am hoping that will stabilise too, although being pregnant might not help right now LOL.

After about a month now of not eating grains, I find myself eating more according to the GAPS diet. I mostly just take the cue from my body, if I am bloating or gassy, I cut back on whatever new food I tried out, like strawberries.

There is no insurance that I will indeed have a stressfree pregnancy, birth and post partum period. However I am sure that this gives me a better chance than filling up on pasta an bread.

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New beginnings

Our new vegetable garden (well, the neighbouring plot)

We have joined a community vegetable garden, and took my brother to see it this morning. As of yet, we have not done anything there, other than attend the opening course on how to build the beds for the vegetables, and how to take the sun movement into consideration when planting, how to set up our reticulation and when to add compost etc.

The view out east from the community garden

I look forward to posting more pics as this project grows…. although I will be relying much more on DH to help me with this now, as yes, I am pregnant. I know, I know, it’s at the moment, and all manner of things can still happen between now and July, but right now I have a nice clear line, twinges in my pelvis every time I get up too quickly and as of yet, no nausea or anything horrid. But I am 4+2 weeks, so that is hardly anything to be too excited about just yet.

I am more and more excited about this. It feels right.

So, here it is:

My 2nd BFP


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Another sleepless night

Me last night

My brother arrived last night – or at 5am this morning. I hardly slept all night in anticipation to see him, and kept weeing every couple of hours…. so gonna test again tomorrow.

Right now I am experiencing weird twinges in my lower pelvis every time I get up too quickly – or if I am physically working hard (like working in the garden).

This still does not feel so real….. hopefully tonight I will get a good nights’ sleep and do my test tomorrow morning 🙂

Image from http://www.nurseryprints.com/images/Sheep/NEWSHEEP.JPG

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Being Pregnant

Me hours before labour started

Me hours before labour started

A bit more about me.

I have pretty much always dreamed of being a mother and I was hugely excited when we fell pregnant and was then pretty miserable with all day sickness, until….. BLISS:

I loved being pregnant once the sickness was over and I think I was pretty much just glowing the last 5 months. I just felt so good and was so vibrant.

I started my pregnancy under the care of a woman whose eye make-up took my fancy… yes, not a very good criteria to choose your gynae. The relationship ended when she made some snarky comment about me not doing all the ultrasounds that are recommended by the Ministry of Health. I moved around looking for doctors on my HMO and finally gave up and went private. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and not spend it worrying about the next test and the next results. I felt good and I felt like my baby was doing just fine. No need to be doing a gazzilion tests. (Here in Israel there is a culture of doing every test available as it is in the public health basket of services. And people feel more in control I guess, or worry less, I don’t know. It doesn’t suit me)

The choice of where to give birth was the next challenge both DH and I had to overcome together. How to find a birthing environment we would both be comfortable in. I wanted a home birth with minimal intervention, DH wanted a hospital birth with doctors keeping a close check on all developments and all emergencies being covered for.

We interviewed home birth midwives, doctors and looked into hospital birth details. To be honest, I was terrified of giving birth in a hospital. I was pretty sure that the hospital staff were not there to ensure I had the birth that I wanted – their job was to make sure my birth experience fitted into the hospital ‘best practice’ idea of a ‘normal’ birth. Working in a large hospital, I knew how insignificant the patient  is when the doctor makes a decision. I did not want to be on the receiving end of that.

I guess the deciding factor for me was when DH and I were in the Ante Natal classes and I asked about needing to go to the loo and having a monitor on me (in the back of my mind I had plans to escape into the bathroom and give birth unassisted in the locked room if the hospital staff were not cooperating – yeah, not wildly realistic, but this was the only way I could envision giving birth in the hospital). I was told they would bring me a bed pan.  From this I understood that the monitor’s needs would be more important than mine and finally had the courage to tell DH that I would under no circumstances be giving birth in the hospital.

So, despite the enormous cost, we signed up with the birth cabin gynae…. and I subjected myself to far too many Ultra Sounds with this techno doctor ready each and every visit to measure my developing boy…. but I decided to let that slip – I was going to be giving birth in a cabin with a birthing pool and an amazing team of doula, hydrotherapist, gynae and my husband. No monitors, no change of shift, no medical students, no pressure for an episiotomy, no rush to fit onto any graph…. YAY

All through our journey of deciding where to give birth, I had 2 sets of in laws. One set who were very supportive of our choices, even though the choices were very unfamiliar to them. And one set (both MD’s – one a professor of medicine and the other with a Masters in Public Health) who were a bit apprehensive about not giving birth in a hospital setting – apprehensive enough to tell me that I am risking my child’s life –>giving birth is more than just my personal experience!!!!

Anyway, we had decided and we were happy with our choice. My parents live in South Africa, making them an 11 hour flight away. It is hard.

Other experiences being a pregnant woman. I had dreams of friends who were pregnant…. very cool. I also rediscovered knitting, and knitted a ton of baby things…. and kept myself educated on issues around being pregnant and giving birth. And I discovered the Mothering Magazine and discussion board. Both these discoveries revolutionised my life. I no longer felt like a freak in mainstream surroundings. Other people also aspired to live a wholesome life making informed decisions. PHEW

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