Tag Archives: SAH

Sleep deprived

And miserable.

I have been MIA due to sever sleep issues in our family. DS went on a waking every half hour stint for about a week and is now on a sleep strike, taking anywhere from 2 – 2 1/2 hours to fall asleep for each nap and at bedtime.

I have been unable to figure out what has caused this upheaval, other than one night of fever and no other illness following. I have had to resort to ecological disposable nappies as he has been wetting his nappies beyond their absorption capacity – and that has made a difference to his night waking. But investing 4 1/2 hours in getting to sleep, like I did yesterday, is just not working for me.

Thankfully DH is working close to home today, so he has come home to take DS off my hands after half an hour of no sleep success.

I lost it yesterday. screaming into my pillow –  slamming the table with my open hand. I fantasized about being able to intimidate my son into sleeping. Which I know is impossible and not something I would follow through on even if I could. Disturbed sleep and being chronically sleep deprived is just horrid.

Add to that my FIL (the doctor) being a complete jerk at his daughter’s wedding (to me, not her) and I am a seething cauldron of annoyance at the moment. DS was one of the stars of the show at the wedding and people were commenting on how comfortable and confident he is, and FIL piped up with “Yes, he has all he could need being at home with his mother. Although I am not sure it is such a great idea as it will be harder for him to start school if he is used to being with his mother”.

Nothing like, “You’re doing such a great job with him, he is so delightful”. No, rather telling me I am ruining his chances at happiness early by giving him a secure and happy infancy and toddlerhood. Grrrrr.

I really should not be surprised and I should not let it bother me. But it is just so disrespectful to twist circumstances against me. I am sure that if my son were timid and shy I would have been told that it is because he is not in kindie.

For the record, I do not think children at home equals happy chilled out children and children in care equals stressed out unhappy children. Personality has so much to do with it, and the quality of the home and the quality of the care are obviously important.

Anyway, FIL is a very limited person despite his achievements in his career (I am following his published work on pubmed, which is a bit weird, but interesting). And I will have to work on myself with regards to not taking it personally when he finds opportunity to point out my mistakes in parenting. This from a man who has been father in name only to his son (my DH). Well, he has tried to guide DH into not getting married, not buying a house, not having a family. Any sort of choice that involves a committment and demands of DH to be a responsible adult freaks him out. And his type of fathering is to tell his daughter her mother has cancer, it does not look good and then follow this with instruction to not come and be with them, but to study?!

So yeah, this man clearly has emotional issues which are not about to resolve themselves any time soon.And they haven’t. It really upsets me how he relates to his wife and father as medical statistics – but that is a whole other issue. And also to a certain extent none of my business. Neither of his wife nor his father have a problem with his attitude from what I can see, and it is working for them. They adore him and he can do no wrong.

In the mean time I need to get to grips with our daily/weekly/monthly/annual rhythm. It’s so not happening at the moment and I am certain much of our sleep issue would be resolved with more of a structure to our time. I need to be more proactive and less responsive.

Probably when it comes to that set of IL’s too.

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Stimulation and the enriched environment

With a title like this it can only mean that I am feeling very insecure about my choices and I have been doing some digging to make me feel better about my choice and why it is the best one for me and my family.

My aquaintance from the local funky mamas has started her son (2 days older than DS) in a kindy type set up – I don’t know what the term is, as play group seems to be when the mothers are present and this is mom-free. She is raving about it and I think would love for my DS to be part of the group. It’s all open ended toys, organic whole foods type of parents. So it could be my kind of thing…. BUT

For a 14 month old? This mum described how a day was organised for the children where people dressed up in costumes from different cultures and served food from that culture and it sounds amazing. But for a 14 month old? What on earth would that mean to my DS? What tools does he have to decode that experience and make sense of it?

I am also aware that I have a different approach to stimulation than many people around me. I do not feel comfortable pointing things out to DS. A bit like I do not feel comfortable coaching him to say words. What I do feel comfortable with is answering his quesitons. He has taken to pointing at things and touching things while looking at me as if to say “and this? what is this?”. He does say something that sounds like “et zeh” which would mean “this” in English when he points to things. He also says ‘ptzzz’ to things. Anyway, when he points to things, I do find myself naming the thing he is pointing to. It feels right and for now I am going with what feels right. As a reminder to myself – there is no need to worry about DS’s development until a problem is spotted. Then there are many professionals who know how to help, should we need their help.

My best solution so far. Provide a nurturing environment and let DS choose how to interact with it. I certainly do not have a firm enough grasp on every aspect of child development to be 100% confident that I know more about what my DS needs to be doing than he does. I see my role as providing the environment and the support and letting him do the rest. And he loves immitating me sweeping, raking, vacuuming, stirring, clapping, etc. My gut tells me this is enough for now. (Although more of a structured rhythm would be nice – slowly slowly I’ll get there)

And I am guessing that this environment will not be provided in a kindy for 14 months olds. The temptation to teach something would be too huge. And there is time enough later for DS to be formally instructed.

I am wanting to find a solution for DS to be in regular contact with a group of children/parents. I do not feel comfortable with me and DH being his primary sources for socialization….. hmmmm

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More like it 🙂

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